Future

What do I really want to do in the Future? What is there for me? What does the future hold for me? Where will I be in the next few years?

I'm out and burnt. I guess its because I'm old and have never been able to rest properly from all that toxicity and I move from one toxic dump to another. I guess all that toxicity is working its way into my system now. I'm surprised because its just been a month and half in this new company and I'm all beat.

Things have been going around too. I's going home. She's got a new SO. I wish her life to be mine. Simplicity. No responsibilities. What will life be if I had that situation? No worries about where I will get the money to feed myself because my parents have enough to support me. No worries on where my sister will get her tuition fee because my parents have enough to support her too. No worries on where my family will be if I don't earn enough to support all our financial needs because my parents have enough. I can use all of my own money for whatever I want to do. I can use my time, and my years to what I want to do. I would have explored and travelled to several cities already. Bum around and heal my broken heart and spirit.

Why does it have to be here? What does this city I am in now mean? What significance does coming here have for my life? Was it to prepare me for a life of loneliness? Was it to prepare me for a life of singleness? Was it to prepare me to be independent so that someone can depend on me? Was it to prepare me to be dependent on someone when that someone comes along? Was it to heal me?

If it was for healing, it's not working. I think my mentality and depression became worst when I came here. I was already on the verge of freaking out and becoming psychotic and now all these? Hmmmm....